I spent over $25,000 to lose weight and I still wasn’t happy
For 2 years I was determined to lose the 30 pounds I gained right out of high school. But growing up I was never taught the importance of eating healthily or exercising. So I was utterly lost on where to start. What did I do? What every other woman would’ve. Tried every diet out there:
- Body For Life
- Eat-Stop-Eat (not eating for 24.hrs)
- Just eating fruit and vegetables
- Weight Watchers (brought back my obsessive behavior)
- 2-hour workouts
- Cellulite cream
- Jillian Michaels’ Making the Cut Program
- Fasting for days (horrible)
- Working out 2x a day
- Diet pills (made me shaky and unable to focus)
- Altered my body to “be perfect”
- The Master Cleanse (liquid fasting for 10 days straight)
I could go on, but I think you get the point. After 2 agonizing years I saw a commercial for a personal training school and they said, “Do you love to be in the gym?” I answered, “Well, I’m there all the time anyway, I might as well get paid for it!” I called the school, scheduled a meeting with a counselor and signed up for personal training school that day!
After $15,000 down, I was sure I would finally lose the weight.
Yep, you read right. I honestly didn’t really care if I was a personal trainer, I just wanted to lose the dang weight (I told you I was determined). So what happened? I joined school, figured out I was doing everything wrong, lost the weight and found my passion (kind of a blessing in disguise type deal). From there I began building my personal training business and connecting with women just like me so I could start helping them lose weight too…
But I felt like a total fraud.
The truth is, I would preach to my clients how happy I was with my new fit body, but I was nowhere near happy. I was still stuck in a “dieting mindset.” Counting calories, trying more diets or exercise programs and still poking and pinching my body wishing it were different.
Even though I lost the weight, I still wasn’t satisfied… I felt like there was still more “work” to do.
What happened next was pretty surprising, even for me. Being a curvy girl, my next solution was to get my top half to match my bottom half – yep, a boob job. I believed if I could just get everything proportionate, THEN I would be truly happy with my body. Again, being super determined – I got the surgery within a few months. My feeling right out of the procedure was, “Ahhh, yes, now all of my curves match – I’ll have nothing to complain about.”
Then reality hit me one night getting ready to go out with my girlfriends. My entire closet of clothes was spread out on my bed, everything had been tried on, and I felt fat in every single outfit. I looked in the mirror, pinched my stomach, cursed my thighs, fell to my knees and totally lost it.
My body STILL wasn’t good enough.
- 2 years of dreadful dieting (which cost lots of $)
- $15,000 for personal training school
- 30 pounds smaller
- $8,000 for the breast augmentation
- …and I still felt like there was even more “work” to do.
“Will I ever be good enough?” I asked myself. “How much more money do I need to spend? How much more heartache and pain do I have to endure?” Once again I felt utterly lost.
Around this time I began dating a man who (although I didn’t know it right away) was the best weight loss solution I have ever come across.
Let me explain. Zac was the epitome of a “liver” – if it was fun he was doing it! He was “Live In The Moment King” and his life philosophy was get out, have fun and live like there’s no tomorrow. This was uncharted waters for me and super scary, to be honest. I was definitely your typical “Type A.” Checklist, to-dos and well-thought-out plans were the foundation of my life (if I could’ve planned my entire life, I probably would’ve). But I was so sick and tired of living with the perpetual abusive thoughts that I was willing to set my fear aside and start *really* living, no matter how scary it felt.
My life was flipped upside down; we began doing things that I’d only dreamed of:
- Mountain Biking
- Motorcycle Riding
- Rock Climbing
- Relaxing (seriously, I never really did this)
I was ALIVE. I never felt so free in all my life.
What does this have to do with weight loss?
What I realized is I was having so much fun living my life (instead of being lost in my head), I no longer saw food as the enemy. I lost any extra weight I was carrying around and I found a place of deep compassion and love for my body.
Actually living IN my life transformed my relationship with food + my body:
- I no longer had a desire to eat off a meal plan
- I ate when I was hungry (and to my surprise, what I wanted was fairly healthy food most of the time)
- When I ate I enjoyed it, and didn’t scarf it down
- I stopped eating when I was full (wow, this was huge)
- I lost my cravings for high sugar or salty foods (which I was highly addicted to)
- I started embracing all of my imperfections
- I realized how much my body *does* do for me and began feeling grateful for that
- I was freed from my perfectionism mindset + abusive thoughts
You see, I was so satisfied with life that I was no longer looking for that satisfaction in the next chip or cookie.
I was getting nourishment from my experiences so my cravings were practically gone. So often we women think that if we are not in 100% control of what we are eating (hello meal plans + diets), then we’ll just eat our face off and become a fat cow.Well, that’s the total opposite of what happens. Becoming a coach was not a choice, it was something I HAD to do. I knew there were others out there suffering like did, and I had the answer.